Be sure to read the reviews of Issue 1 and Issue 2 first!

Well, I’ve put off this post long enough, but now it’s time to end the tale. Only when I review the final issue of Nights Into Dreams,, Series 2 will I find peace. It’ll be a tough battle, but at least I can choose my own weapon. I just hope the arena’s big enough for the entire United States Army.

Fortunately this issue sports the best cover out of the whole series. Yeah, the proportions are still ass-backwards, but at this point I’ll take what I can get. It’ll help me stay positive when I turn to the title page, containing more Horrifying Perspective To Stunt Your Soul. But you already know what it’s like, so you don’t need to see it again. Let’s keep trucking.

Anyway, last time we left Elliot and Claris, they had just found Nights lying around half-dead in Roger’s basement. We turn the page and-

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

WHAT.
THE HELL.
IS THIS.

I shouldn’t have to explain this spread. JUST LOOK AT IT. It’s the single most godawful piece of art throughout both miniseries. Pure and simple. Only the curse word I created could describe it. Saying it the first time devastated the planet, but at least the human race was brought together because of it. Mostly because they couldn’t find their faces without help.

So Nights has been out of the dream world so long that he’s almost faded from existence. One of the fairies (Napp, I think) says they need to chuck Nights back through the portal to the dream realm, which happens to be at the Twin Seeds Tower. Meanwhile, Roger is dreaming that he’s being chased by a nightmare monster. Reala drops in, nukes it, and tells Roger he needs to wake up and stop the others.

You’d think that dripping panel business was intended to be artistic, but I just think the artwork melted by itself because it was so badly drawn. Or maybe the ink was like, “Fuck this, I’m gonna go work for Garfield.”

At the Twin Seeds Tower, we see our old friend Lieutenant Xena badger Mr. Weiss about R.E.M.. She says they’re gonna try to take over the building again, then totally freaks when she sees a bunch of workers handling a glass pane. Weiss explains that they’re just glass repairmen, and Xena storms off. However, when Weiss leads the workers to the elevator, they remove their overalls and reveal themselves as the members of R.E.M.!

Xena doesn’t catch on until she finds the overalls and broken glass. “This scene I’m all too familiar with!” she thinks.

Let’s ignore Xena pretending to be Batman for a moment and realize that this is actually one of the better drawn panels of-SURPRISE UNEXPECTED WACKY EXPRESSION!

Wow, that’s just hideous. Isn’t this the face Judge Doom took near the end of Roger Rabbit? And it’s such a bizarre juxtaposition, too. First you get this really serious expression, then WHAMMO! Just in case you forgot this was a cartoony comic. I don’t know how you could’ve, though, since everyone has giant round eyes that makes a bar patron go, “I should throw darts at that.”

Outside, Elliot and Claris find the real glass repairmen tied up in their van. They help them loose and watch them drive off, only to see a bunch of people running away, shouting that super-terrorists have seized Twin Seeds Tower and they’ve got a bomb. Man, R.E.M. JUST captured Weiss and already people discovered that they’ve got a bomb? News spreads pretty fast around here. (They must use carrier F-14s.)

Now the action flips back and forth between the kids and Weiss. Nights breaks off from the kids to fly up the tower while Weiss banters with the terrorists about their “dream bomb”. Now, I’ll admit I make a mistake – I said in last issue’s review that the dream bomb would never be brought up again. Still, if the comic’s deadset about sucking, then I don’t care about getting my facts straight. Hell, I don’t care about getting them twisted, either. It’s their yoga, they can do whatever they want.

By the way, check out Weiss’s interesting shadow:

See, Weiss is actually Wiseman in disguise. If you recall my summary of the first miniseries, Wiseman was apparently destroyed by Nights, but here he somehow survived and took on a human form. I gotta say, this was the plot point that intrigued me. If this series continued, it would’ve been cool to see how Wiseman came back to challenge Nights again. Then agan, an ongoing comic would probably have lame plot twists like R.E.M. being opposed by a group called L.U.C.I.D.. Unfortunately, since the guy who made the name is bad with acronyms, it stands for Lancaster Uterus Caesar Icy Driveshaft.

Nights reaches the top of the tower as R.E.M. lays the bomb and runs off. The bomb explodes and takes out the tower, but as Nights is recovering from the blast, a mysterious figure steps out of the smoke. Apparently the force of the bomb combined with the energy leaking from Nights has reopened the gateway to the dream world…and that means Reala has entered the fray!

FEED ME SEYMOUR

So wait a minute. Reala sent out Roger to stop the kids and get Nights to dissolve…when it didn’t matter anyway since Reala was able to enter the real world and take out Nights himself. See, kids, when writing a story, you need to finish the plot points you introduce. Otherwise, you bring in characters like Roger that ultimately serve no purpose. But don’t worry about him. The cast could use some lunch, and he can run to McDonald’s faster than anyone else can.

Nights and Reala begin to scrap. After smashing Nights into a wall, Reala fires an energy ball at him. An exclaimation mark appears above Nights’ head and he somehow uses it to knock the ball away. Reala taunts Nights about missing him, but then Nights grabs the ball hanging off the exclaimation mark and beans Reala in the face with it.

Strangely enough, Nights isn’t the only one who can do that with his…marks. Stars flutter around Reala’s head, but then he grabs them and flings them like shuriken at Nights. Now I’m kinda confused. I won’t deny that the attacks are creative, but this comic sure likes to jump on and off the goofy meter. One minute it’s serious, the next it’s flinging knock-out stars at people. How would it deal with someone dying? Maybe Elliot could get killed and someone would tell Claris, “I know this is hard for you…so to make you feel better, we dressed up his body like Bozo the Clown.”

Down below, Weiss (or is that Weiss-MAN? DOH HO HO) whines about his tower.

Great bedside manner you’ve got there, Xena. I’d hate to see you have a daughter. If she got the flu, you’d probably try to scare it away by punching her in the lungs.

Roger comes up behind the kids, but Napp alerts them. However, Roger is just regretful about the mess he’s gotten into. Napp reminds Roger that since Wiseman’s dead, Roger doesn’t have to keep feeding Reala dream energy anymore. That gives Roger the go-ahead to denounce Reala and cut off his power, making Reala start to dissolve just as Nights makes a break for the gateway. At least, I think. The page layout is pretty confusing. I think it would make more sense if you jumbled up all the panels in a Boggle game and wrote down the new order.

Reala tries to pursue but realizes Roger isn’t giving him dream energy anymore. Which…kills him or something. I dunno. It’s pretty vague. Meanwhile, Nights gets through the portal and emerges from a pool of Sunny Delight.

Okay, it’s not Sunny Delight, but really, can YOU tell?

In any case, Reala is defeated. (I think.) But now that Reala is gone, surely a bunch of nightmarish creatures will fly through the exposed gateway and enter the real world! Not so, declares Napp: now the gateway has a new protector, and his name is Nights!

What a way to go out, eh? A stupid, badly drawn cliffhanger for a stupid, badly drawn comic book. Only one phrase can describe this now. Say it with me:

“THIS COMIC SUCKS!”

No kidding! Horrible artwork, ridiculous perspective, ugly proportions, bad characterization, silly dialogue. Verdict? KILL WITH FIRE FOREVER. Nights Into Dreams is a shining example on how to completely screw up an adaptation, only this comic feels like they screwed it up with carpet bombs. After this pile, it’s no surprise that the Nights comic never became an ongoing series. And even if it did, it’s not like it would survive for long. Let’s just say I know where the second Kennedy assassin is, and that he’s holding a sale.

In fact, the only way you should be reading this comic is if you read Parody Into Dreams, a nice little reworking of the Nights comic into something humorously juvenile. You may not like all the profanity it uses, but hey, what other choice do you have?

Hey hey hey, hold up! I was just kidding, man. Seriously, go check it out.

As for me, I’m glad to be finally done with this, so I’m out. Big ups to CBO Productions for letting me complain about this comic, as well as putting up with my delays. I promise next time that I’ll write on a schedule. It’ll be hard to type while A Schedule keeps bucking, but I think it’ll bring a new dimension to my work.

Thanks for reading. Peace out!

If you loved The Helldragon and his reviews be sure to check out his site Giant Robot Invasion (Go there by clicking Here)

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