Suggested by: Brandon Burpee

Today’s case is that of Superboy Prime. He is being brought up on charges for being “lame”. The following is the court transcript from the defense.

Todays Client

Today's Client

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury I am here today to defend my client, Clark Kent of Earth Prime, on the charges of being  “lame”.  Now the prosecution and the public have provided evidence for this most heinous of charges. This evidence has included his nonsensical whining, his tendency to kill people without reason, and the fact that he speaks like a 7 year old child. The Defense is prepared to respond to the evidence provided.

Exhibit A: From Infinite Crisis

Evidence #1:

My client has been charged with saying such things as “You are ruining everything!”, “Everything was better on my Earth!”, “You are ruining me!”, and many more quotes of that nature. I have to ask you to think about this for a second. What if you were a part of a world that was for the most part perfect, with you as the only person with superpowers, and then you just lose it out of the blue? Would you like it if you went from a peaceful world without super crime to a world where you can’t even walk down the street without worrying when Lex Luthor or the Toyman is going to unleash their next master plan? To my client, his world was perfect. He misses his home and just wants to go back.

Yet, the so-called “heroes” of this world have prevented any action my client made to return home. They have the power to actually return him home, but fail to offer any aid to Mr. Kent. It is justifiable that my client would complain about his situation. I ask you all, don’t you complain when you are somewhere you don’t want to be? My client has been stuck in a world where he doesn’t want to be. He is just like anyone else who is stuck in a location which they have no desire of being at. So, my client’s “whining” is nothing more than a normal person’s capacity to complain about their lot in life.

Evidence #2: His tendency to kill without reason

Exhibit #2

Exhibit B: From Countdown

My client is known for his so-called “tendency” to kill any living being that he sees. The truth is my client is merely killing in self-defense.  His earliest outbreak of violence was brought upon by the whole legion of Teen Titans. He was merely having a friendly sparring match with Conner Kent, and the Titans joined in. They tried to harm my client, and he responded the best way he could. Unfortunately, he didn’t know his own strength and killed several Titans. He admitted he was sorry and didn’t want to do such a travesty.

After his accidental massacre of the Teen Titans, my client was forced into the “speed force”. Once he escaped he was justifiably angry at what he went through.  He was just going to see the other heroes to talk about what happened and ask for an apology. He was then attacked by Black Adam.My client had the full right to defend himself from a dictator, who only moments earlier attacked New York City. Yet for some reason the Justice League saw this as a moment to attack my client and assault him. Connor Kent also joined in on the brawl because he was still sore about losing the sparing match from earlier.

My client then was attacked by the Green Lantern Corps on his way to get himself home. Sure his way home was to restart the universe, but this would have failed as we learned that you must destroy the Earth to restart the universe. The Green Lanterns should have known this, and they still arrested him. My Client lived in horrible conditions in his Science Cell back on Oa. He was merely retaliating from months of abuse by the guards when he was freed.

As for my client’s involvement with the Sinestro Corps, we plead that Clark Kent of Earth Prime was under the influence of the Yellow Power Ring and should not be held accountable for his actions with the Corps. Furthermore, his actions in the multi-verse should also be pardoned as he was artificially aged and thus driven insane.

His actions in the Future with the Legion of Superheroes was brought about due to post traumatic stress disorder from his past fights. Seeing himself on display getting attacked only spurred his PTSD, thus leading to his actions against the LOSH.

Evidence #3: Speaks like a seven year old child

Exhibit C: From Countdown

Exhibit C: From Countdown

Exhibit D

Exhibit D: From Sinestro Corps War

Exhibit E: From Infinite Crisis

Exhibit E: From Infinite Crisis

Exhibit F: From Countdown

Exhibit F: From Countdown

My client has been through a rough life. At the young age of 15 he learned he was a superhero, and not too long after he lost his home world. He retreated into the paradise dimension with the other displaced survivors of the First Crisis. He was then subjected to watching someone live his life and turn away from what my client would only dream of, being a hero. This stress coupled with the traumatic experience of the Titans, Justice League, and Green Lantern Corps beating on him has forced his mind to return to a simpler time before he was a superhero. This means all of his speech patterns and actions are that of a seven year old. My client is mentally stressed, and everyone teasing him about his speech pattern only compounds the matter. You don’t tease a man with the mental state of a seven year old child.

Now the defense would like to present evidence that our client is not only cool but in fact quite “awesome”.

Evidence #1: Superboy Prime punching the Wall of reality

Exhibit F: From Infinite Crisis

Exhibit F: From Infinite Crisis

Exhibit H: From Infinite Crisis

Exhibit H: From Infinite Crisis

No other man has done such a feat. He literally punched through dimensions with only his fists. It took Earth 2 Superman hours to do this feat, and my client did so in a matter of minutes. This punch altered reality drastically, for better or worse. You still have to admit this was “awesome.”

Evidence #2: Superboy Prime vs the Green Lantern Corps

Exhibit H: From Infinite Crisis

Exhibit I: From Infinite Crisis

My Client has fought the Green Lantern Corps with ease. This is only a feat that Parallax accomplished. Not many people can take on such a magnitude of power and live to tell such a tale. This is indeed “awesome.”

To close my argument your honor and members of the jury, my client is merely a victim of circumstance. He is indeed not lame. The evidence supporting this charge can be explained in a rather deep way. My client is not a shallow character but a deep troubled character whose only crime is being himself. I think we all can agree we are all guilty of being ourselves.

The defense rests.

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